Finding Casual Sex Partners
A Step-By-Step Guide to Finding No-Strings-Attached Fun
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- Adult Friend Finder
- Get It On
It may be true that in today's day and age, we're more digitally enabled and culturally transparent about casual sex than ever before, but actually finding casual sex partners still seems like the elusive Holy Grail of online dating sites.
Sure, you know where to go when looking for a no-strings attached interaction —?think Adult Friend Finder, GetItON, Passion.com?and many more —?but simply logging onto one of these self-proclaimed hookup sites hardly ensures your sexual needs will be met.
As frustrating as it may be, the irony can’t be ignored: You’re seeking nothing more than a straightforward, hassle-free sexual engagement (a one-night stand, say), yet getting such an arrangement is the biggest tease of all, and far from easy, no matter what you try.
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It’s not that there aren’t interested partners out there — men, women and people of all genders. After all, not everyone is looking for a long-term relationship. In fact, millions of attractive, diverse, interested people are on hookup sites at this very moment, but simply putting up a profile and browsing aren’t enough. You still have to interact, show interest, exchange information, and participate in a conversation.
Furthermore, thanks to the pseudo invisibility cloak people often put on when interfacing?through digital screens, users are much more likely to feel comfortable signaling interest in casual encounters and casual hookups online, even if they don’t actually plan to follow through with the act. That goes doubly for women, who are often shamed for expressing interest in casual sex in person, but might be more comfortable finding potential partners online or on an app ... which raises another question: What exactly is casual sex?
What Is Casual Sex?
The phrase “casual sex” (or the concept thereof) gets tossed around a fair amount online. Perhaps you’ve seen ads promising “singles near you” looking for “no-strings attached action”??
The idea is always similar: Everyone’s horny, and full-on relationships are complicated. Both of which — despite what the pessimists out there would have you believe — are pretty true.?
But what is casual sex, exactly? Where is the line between casual sex and its opposite — serious sex, one supposes? And where did it come from? Let’s break it all down.
During the 20th century, if you were having sex and not directly paying for it, it was likely within the context of a monogamous romantic relationship. In fact, it was likely within the context of a marriage.
But as social mores evolved during the ‘60s and onward — largely in concert with the rise of feminism and the diminishing role of the church in public life — pre-marital sex started seeming like less of a horrifyingly bad idea and more of a fun time for all parties involved … and casual sex was born, so to speak.?
What really kicked it into overdrive, however, were the popularization of cheap and reliable forms of birth control like condoms, hormonal birth control and IUDS, and the increasing role of the internet in our dating lives.?
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Now, not only can you have great sex without necessarily worrying about causing a pregnancy, you can also find someone to sleep with fairly easily using the internet. Without a widespread social taboo surrounding casual sex, you can make all that happen without worrying about what your friends will think, too.
It’s worth noting there are lots of benefits associated with casual sex. For starters, you can, well, have sex without putting in a ton of effort. With sexual pleasure as your guide, you can have multiple partners as you can schedule, coming and going as you please. You’re not really bound by any of the rules or codes we associate with actual relationships.
On the flip side, that relative lawlessness can carry with it a bunch of drawbacks. Casual-ness can be difficult to maintain over a long period of time, and if one of the people starts developing romantic feelings during the course of a casual sex situation, that can be an enormously tricky thing to navigate.
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At the end of the day, casual sex is what you make of it. If you’re not careful, you might make some horrible mistakes that end in heartbreak, STIs or unexpected pregnancies. But if you’re smart about it (and a little bit lucky), you can take advantage of the fact that strict monogamous relationships are on the decline — and have a grand old time.
Different Types of Casual Sex
Not all casual sex is created equal.?
It isn’t necessarily just about having a one-night stand with a stranger. It could also be a long-standing friends-with-benefits setup, sleeping with someone who lives far away every time you’re in the same place or anything that’s outside of a defined relationship with clear-cut boundaries, rules and obligations.?
Keeping that in mind, let’s analyze the most common casual sex setups out there:?
Casual Sex With a Friend
Having casual sex with a friend is a concept that long predates app-based hookups. The hazy boundaries around friendships mean two people can conceal an attraction-based interest under the guise of being just friends until one or both parties lets the mask slip.?
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It can be a lot of fun to explore the sexual side of a friendship that had thus far been platonic — and a potential gateway to a full-fledged relationship, if you both decide you want more at some point. Since you already know and care for each other, that can make the sex more meaningful and the interactions less awkward.?
On the other hand, if you’re not both ready for the shift in your interactions, hooking up with a friend could just make everything way more awkward. After the heady rush of finally consummating your mutual attraction wears off a bit, it can be a quick path to a friendship ending, particularly if you’re not able to navigate what you both want from each other.
Casual Sex With a Stranger
Having casual sex with a stranger instead of a pre-existing friend comes with a number of potential benefits. First, if things go south, you won’t have lost a long-standing friendship. In fact, you might even gain one if you’re able to stay on good terms after the hookups fade out.
However, the drawback with strangers is you never know exactly what you’re getting. Since you don’t know the person well (or at all), it can be easy for miscommunications or misunderstandings to crop up, and what seemed like a person you could have an enjoyable fling with might have been a carefully constructed facade all along.?
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To that end, you have to do a fair amount of due diligence before sleeping with a stranger — looking them up online, talking to mutual acquaintances, slowing things down until you feel confident that sleeping together won’t be a mistake — or you have to accept the reality that it might blow up in your face at any moment. Your call!?
Casual Sex With an Ex
If choosing between casual sex with a friend or a stranger seems like a “chocolate or vanilla” proposition where either could end well or badly with about equal likeliness, casual sex with an ex does not quite live up to that standard. It’s a situation where in the overwhelming majority of cases, it won’t end well.
The excitement of someone you thought you’d never have sex with again consenting to one more (or several more) hookups can certainly be overwhelming. Whether you were the dumpee or the dumper, engaging post-breakup sex can also seem incredibly tantalizing — it’s a bad idea, but you’re both doing it anyway, choosing your sex drives over your emotional wellbeing.?
RELATED:?Should You Hook Up With Your Ex?
But if you do go through with this, it’s hard to deny that it’s a recipe for things ending on an even worse note than they had before … and for your friends to get an opportunity to deliver you a big, fat “I told you so.”
One-Time Only vs. Repeated Hookups
In the case of any kind of casual sex, your hookup could be a one-time thing or part of a lengthier affair.?
Of course, it’s easier to keep things casual if you don’t see each other ever again, but in someone’s absence, it can be easy to wonder, “What if…?” whereas you’ll have a better sense of what you’re getting (and/or missing) if you’re hooking up every other week.?
At the end of the day, it’ll be up to you and the other person to determine whether anything happens again or not. If you have a good first hookup, there’s no real reason not to give a second try a shot, so long as both parties are on the same page about what they’re looking for and what they aren’t ... so the sooner you have that conversation, the better.?
1. Draft Your Profile
If you're going the route of having sex with strangers, your best bet will be to get online. And while you might argue that you should create an account on a site or app first and build your profile second, the truth is that putting some extra thought into what your dating profile looks like will benefit you on any platform you choose — so we're putting that first.?
Essentially, your online dating?profile is the sole slice of advertorial space you get within a huge hookup site to advertise yourself and?allude to your interests. As such, it should be created to intrigue and entice people to want to know you?more intimately.
The trick to creating a profile for finding casual sex partners online can be to think a little bit like a?marketer. While you know yourself, the other users don't. To them, you're just some online rando. So highlight your best features with your descriptions and answers, and keep in mind that while lying on a dating app?may seem useful in the early going, it's also likely to lead to hassles later on. Being honest about what you like and what you're looking for will go a long way with like-minded people?on a sex-positive site or app.?
Are you an older gentleman? Don't worry, you don't need to box yourself into a long-term relationship. Though college students and young adults are more known for engaging in casual sexual encounters, booty calls and casual dating aren't just for young people! And if you're gay, bisexual or bicurious, well, there's no shortage of sites to facilitate same-sex relationships, and no shortage of handsome guys looking to hook up, either.
Your profile is not your diary, so don’t use it as a place to complain about past negative experiences. Instead, use your profile to evoke genuine interest in others. Once you’ve done so successfully, your profile does a lot of the initial flirting (or winking) for you.
2. Get Online
What’s the most important aspect of finding casual hookup partners online? Location, location, location. You can craft the best profile in the world, but if you’re on the wrong site, it’s rather pointless. You wouldn’t walk into a church boasting your interest in casual sex, but by the same token, you probably don’t want your personal or contact information floating around the wrong sections of the internet.?
You have to find a happy medium in a site that is safe, caters to meets your needs, and attracts the quality of members you want. There are dozens of wild dating sites out there, so to save time, start with one of our top hookup sites:
If you want to know a bit more than just the username and picture of the individual for your next sexual encounter, XMatch provides a judgement-free casual hookup environment where members really don’t hold back on the information they share. This is a site where you really have the freedom to make your profile as revealing as you want, with dozens of profile fields, public and private albums, a video tab, a personal blog space, and even a sexual preferences section called My Kinks. Beyond the ability to make your profile really stand out, the site displays super relevant information about others when you browse their profile, such as a visual compatibility chart and testimonials section. Beyond profiles, the hookup site has a large user base and a comprehensive amount of ways to find others and engage such as various search options, a hot-or-not like matching game, and a Life Action section with interactive model videos and live member broadcasts.?
Learn more at XMatch.com – Starting at $20.00 per month
Read our full XMatch.com review
Adult Friend Finder
With over 60 million members, X-rated pictures, live chats, and much more, Adult Friend Finder is the favorite choice for anyone looking to find casual sex partners or romantic relationships. This hookup site is easily one of, if not the most popular and well-respected names in online?hookup culture and is filled to the brim with sexually confident members who very evidently are there for the same reason you are. Oh, and it has an app, too!
Learn more at AdultFriendFinder.com – Starting at $17.00 per month
Read our full Adult Friend Finder review
If you’re in your 20s or 30s, or are simply very comfortable with mobile-first online dating options, a great hookup possibility that’s emerged in recent years is the app Feeld. Once a threesome-focused app called 3nder, Feeld rebranded as an app that’s all about non-monogamy and kink — meaning it’s chock full of people looking for various interesting no- or low-strings attached encounters with like-minded horndogs. Free to download, it offers significant functionality for non-paid users, although the Majestic upgrade is definitely worth the money, too.
Learn more at Feeld.co?– Free base membership
Read our full Feeld Review
As the name suggests, Passion.com attracts a more seductive and tauntingly sexual crowd. If lingerie and suggestive poses do it for you, look no further. As a hookup site, Passion.com still contains more nudity and sexually-explicit live cams than your average dating site, but steps it up a few notches to do so in a classy manner. Think Instagram models gone x-rated, seeking out hookup partners in a smokey-eyed sultry, behind-the-scenes fashion.
Learn more at Passion.com – Starting at $29.95 per month
Read our full Passion.com review
FriendFinder-X puts a bit more of a playful spin on what you’d expect from a traditional hookup site. Instead of pure nudity, you get a bit of humor along with the skin – not to mention what’s likely the most diverse collection of members out there. The site is genuinely uplifting, and sports a refreshingly fun-loving, down-to-earth vibe. Members of FFX are clearly there to enjoy themselves, without emotions getting in the way, and you really feel like an equal the moment you log on. If you’re in need of something completely drama-free, this is the place to start.
Learn more at FriendFinderX.com – Starting at $9.95 per month
Read our full FriendFinder-X review
Get It On
To browse sexual classifieds in a safe, spam-free environment in search of that elusive one-night stand, head straight over to GetItON.com. The hookup site bypasses the Facebook-style social network layout you’ll find on many competing sites and instead focuses on actually matching you with other casual sex seekers. GetItON lets you easily showcase your preferences, from lifestyle to sexuality, in a controlled, transparent manner. And in case you’re a little uncertain of what you want, the sexual preferences are gathered via a short survey that allows you to rank sexual activities on a scale ranging from hard no's to must-haves.
Learn more at GetItON.com – Starting at $5.95 per month
Read our full GetItON review
No Strings Attached prioritizes your privacy allowing you to keep your casual sex life as discreet and private as you wish. Members can create and fully utilize anonymous profiles, to ensure identities are kept secret, and can even go as far as to communicate privately over the phone without disclosing phone number using the PrivateCalls feature. The site is designed for those who are interested in hooking up online and want to (or need to) fly completely under the radar. Likewise, No Strings Attached attracts both those who are single and currently in relationships but looking to, ahem, shop around.
Learn more at NoStringsAttached.com – Free base membership
Read our full NoStringsAttached review
3. Get Chatting
If you find communicating online the hardest part, there’s a chance you might be overthinking it. Seeing as you’re seeking an arrangement that is attachment-free, you should try not to get too wound up about the outcome of your chats, emails, winks, etc. If sexual activity happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, keep it moving and try things out with someone else.
Dating websites'?winks are flirty, but they just extend the length of the online communication stage and should be used only if you don’t have time to send a quick message. For the best results, try sending an opening message that’s between two and three sentences in length – that’s a sort of magic number that gives the recipient something to respond to without being over-long.
Then, most importantly, once you’re feeling a good vibe, transition the conversation off the website or app as soon as possible by offering or asking for a phone number. This shows that you’re serious about this interaction enough to take it past just the initial conversation, and it represents an opportunity to hype things up to more suggestive, flirty lines.
4. Start Dating
Once you have the other person’s contact information, now it’s time to set up a meeting (or “date,” if you prefer.) Given the nature of the site you met on (casual, sexual, hookup-oriented) you don’t have to share your life story or sell yourself too much at this point.?
When deciding where and when to meet, continue to keep it casual. Set up a date and time for your meeting that’s sooner rather than later – as in, within the next few days – but don’t get too stuck on the details. Best-case scenario, you can arrange what to do and where to meet when the upcoming date arrives. The less you plan, the less the entire situation can be over-thought. Pro tip: Keep a few date ideas in mind, but most of all, keep it light and fun.
The best casual encounters will always be those in which you can actually be yourself. To replicate that from an online meeting, try to go with the flow to eliminate any pressure, prejudgements, or consequences, and simply focus on enjoying your time with a like-minded partner.?
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